Thoughts

Why do I always stay up longer whenever I'm more exhausted?

16

Coming this April, I will be turning sixteen. So much has changed from last year. For one, I would never have imagined last year that I would ever go back to a therapist. Also, despite the instability I've been experiencing this year, I feel more confident in my career path. Whether it be writing, rapping, producing or photographing, I need to do something artistic. I can't be someone working in a coffee shop, that just doesn't call me.. I don't know. Anyway, a lot has changed. I've really changed. I am really not sure if it's for better or worse. Needless to say, I am very scared at how quickly the years seem to be going.

Something I will probably never finish

It was a near loss. I set my keys down, routine. But the house was.. empty. Of the feeling it once had. Of the happy memories it once carried.
Now it was shrouded by the memory of a red pool and a pale body in the corner of the room. I remember. The panic, the fear. My world was slowly crashing as I called the ambulance. I forget what was said. As I tried to keep the only person that mattered to stay with me. Just awhile longer. The sputtered apologies, from the both of us.
I threw my glass at the wall. "Stay here.." I remember repeating those words while frantically trying to stop the bleeding. I screamed. Here and now, I screamed. 

“Suddenly you’re ripped into being alive. And life is pain, and life is suffering, and life is horror, but my god you’re alive and it’s spectacular.”