Moving

Hey guys, I am moving this blog to here -> http://tonightgoodnight.tumblr.com/ and will no longer be posting here, so for those that want to keep getting updates, that's the place to go.

Cover #1

My sister Nicole and I are going to cover Tablo's Eyes Nose Lips cover. She will take on the role of Taeyang and myself, Tablo. Wish us luck.

Confession

I really want to inspire some one and be a good role model.

Relapse

I am so scared of myself. Like I've had some really hard things happen in my life. And I've done things that disgust me now. I've gotten out of that but I'm so scared of going back to that. Some things have been lingering at the edges of my mind and I know how easily I can just fall back. It scares me. I need to keep my mind off of it all.

How I have been wasting my nights

Really, it's been staying up watching the office. Wow, I really need to pick up my projects again. Sorry for staying quiet the past few days. I'll try to be more active the next few days

KCON, GUYS. LIKE OH MY GOSSHH

how easily simple words can impact someone so deeply..

Projects

It's summer time, finally. Time to get on things. So, I've been writing some lyrics for songs. Haven't recorded anything yet. To be quite honest, I really have no singing voice. Maybe rap but not singing. My sister on the other hand, wow. Anyway, trying to stay on track, plenty of songs are about love. You may have noticed, my thoughts aren't usually on that and more hit on other things outside of that. However, I kind of feel like making a softer sort of song with love in mind.
The subject being on love it daunting. I wouldn't want to to be cheesy, but just soft and something that brings tears to your eyes. I have a more lower, kind of raspy voice so it may work.
Love however, it's hard to fully grasp. It's just, investing emotions into someone (in this case), hoping you'll receive the same undying dedication back. If you don't, well you end up broken. Having trust issues, I find that idea scary. For years I wanted to keep away from any of that sort of thing. Now, I don't know. It is still daunting.
But, I will try to put real feeling and emotion into it. Maybe I'll even post the finished project on here.

I don't know

 Time is moving way too fast in my opinion. And honestly, I'm stuck. If you read my previous posts you know what I want to achieve. But I have been taken over with procrastinating. Not because I don't want to do it, but because the task is so daunting and I am so scared. I'm scared of disappointment. In myself and from others. I fear it all.

useless honestly

To do during Summer-
Study the following languages

• Portuguese
• French
• Italian
• Spanish
• German
• Korean

Find a good online program to start making your own music
Write lyrics
Practice more on your voice
Work on dancing outside of the hip hop genre
Write the novel down
Travel a bit more
Raise money for Kcon
Learn more on the Korean culture
Be more social
Get better at rapping
Put yourself out there more
Look more into the theater genre of things

Graduation scares me.

Thoughts at 2:00 AM

Have you ever just thought, you only live on this earth once. And it kinda just hits you. One life. On average, 75 years of age. For me this is a drive. Mostly to get my work out there.
 My dream is to inspire people. A bit cliche, but the thing is, I have learned how much words can really affect you. It can help or it can bite someone down. I want to help people with my words. Encourage them, bring them up, remind them. You'll learn, I am very honest on some matters and tend not to edge the line.
 It's truly a curse. I feel like I am a very hardened person, and tend not to let people show that. Writing helps me. I can never think of things to say on the spot but when I put it down, ah, it comes out so much clearer. At least I hope.
Mmm, future career scares me though. I have a passion for dancing, but I am not sure how stable that can be. Writing also, but I can never dedicate myself to a full on novel. I'm going to start practicing on my vocals and possibly even try a bit of rap. If my interest in music keeps up, I'll buy headphones and a really good online music program so I can start that. For now I'll go free and see how it goes. I don't know, recording my own music seems fun. Theater also interests me.
In short, I really want to put my name out there to show people who I am. My world, how I think and express myself.
It's going to be a really long road. Ah, but I am way too ambitious for my own good.

Ah, LAtitude is somewhere I want to go in the near future. Gotta start saving up. Possibly 2016 or 17.

Thoughts

This is my passion.
So why do I garner hate for following my dream?
This is me
Should I conform just for you?
This isn't my problem.
Sharing my world with everyone
is that punishment worthy?
I'll put on a smile, just for you.
And I'll stop pursuing my dream.
Just for you.
Is that what you want?
What do you gain?
This is my life.
I won't be dictated.
Go to the side with everyone else that tries to drag me down.
I don't need you here.
Would you really say that to my face?
I've put emotion and tears into my work.
Show me what you have done.
Run away now before I call your bluff.

This Pain

It doesn't matter anymore

The past will only drag you down, sweetie.

I'll hold your hand through it all.

But you can't leave me.

The public has their own image of perfection

But to me, perfection isn't a body.

Don't alter yourself for them

Don't scar yourself for them.

Every time you do, the tears come to my eyes

You mar your skin to feel pain

Honey, you've felt enough of that.

If I could, I'd bring you to my arms.

I'd keep you there, shielding from it all.

I want to remind you

and it's something you don't seem to realize.

You mean something.

To Start Off

  Ah, so this is my blog. I promise as soon as I get the hang of this it will look much better.
So, just some things you should know, this blog I am using as a sort of.. recording. It's where I will be putting different things, short stories, poems, rants, dreams, language learning process, pictures, music, my singing audio, dance videos etc. It's basically going to be anything I can, I will put down. I have big dreams so this will be a tool to record improvement and let out feelings. There will be small, random posts and then some hour reads.
I will try to post here at least once a week to just keep it updated.
I would appreciate if you could all be respectful, although I doubt many will read this.
Just know, this will basically be my Mind Palace, if you will, so do be considerate.
That's all for now.
-Jessalyn